Corn, Farmers and Busch Lattes.

I have been somewhat flip flopping on writing this particular post. I actually had it written once before when I was pretty upset and I’m glad I deleted the draft and started over. 🙂 Last night a friend from 20 years ago (that I haven’t talked to much since) talked to me about going through a recent break-up and just wanted to chat about it. Since my traveling endeavors started, this happens quite frequently but this one resinated with me and I felt the need to write about something a little off the subject of just traveling.

4 things you need to know about me…

1. I’m the most spontaneous person you’ll ever meet and thrive off new challenges.
2. I absolutely love being single, actually I like to consider myself somewhat the epitome of it.
3. I get homesick as F
4. I’m absolutely in love with love.

If you didn’t catch on to the list, they all completely contradict each other.

If you don’t know me or didn’t know, I recently accomplished going to every single state in the United States. Also, if you have not read past blog posts, I started this challenge after getting a divorce, getting depressed and needing to find myself..yada yada. So when I completed this after only 2 years, I felt like I needed to find another challenge. Which brings me to Iowa…

My reason for flip flopping on writing this post is because most of my blog posts are personal and involve another person. I have no guilt writing about my ex-husband because ultimately he sucks but writing about someone else is a little different.

I want to give somewhat of a backstory on this situation. I met this guy from Iowa, 2 years ago (right around when I started my adventure of completing 50 states) in my most favorite town in the United States; Deadwood, South Dakota. Long story short, him and I kept in contact the entire 2 years and when I felt it was time to finally visit him in Iowa, I did and me being in love with love completely fell in love with the “love story” of it and not what it actually was.

Not even joking, it wasn’t even 2 weeks after I finished my goal of going to all 50 states, I moved to Iowa. There’s a lot of reasons I thought this was right at the time. A. The guy B. The town was IDENTICAL to my hometown so I felt a little less homesick and C. And probably the biggest reason, I felt completely lost and I NEEDED a new challenge. I have never moved anywhere before and it was the next big thing for me other than flying overseas.

Well, my spontaneous attitude and my tendency of rushing into shit sometimes is my downfall because all in all, the guy and I didn’t work out. I want to be honest and say that this was just like 3 days after I moved to Iowa and I was out for the count after. I couldn’t remember a time since my divorce I had felt so down and I completely assured myself that I had traveled and re-gained my independence for nothing. Which like all my blogs, brings myself to the moral of why I’m writing this.

I’d be lying if I said even after a month of being here, I’m not still super bummed it didn’t work out, however, I’m SO GLAD I moved here. How does this resinate with the girl I talked about before? I think the most vital time to do an awesome thing in your life is when you’re going through a catastrophic event, us as humans become so content with our routine life and when we go through something like a break-up, it’s the fire under ass, if you will, to challenge ourselves into doing something different and ultimately we learn a ton about ourselves.

So what did I learn for myself? Never stop rushing into new challenges but stop rushing into relationships.

Even though I deleted my original mean-hearted blog post the message does remain the same. All dudes suck.

 

 

 

 

 

There’s Freedom in a Broken Heart

In Spring 2014: 2 things happened; I had found an artist named Kacey Musgraves and somehow stumbled upon a Discovery channel documentary called North America. I had always had some interest in traveling but nothing worth doing anything about, other than pinning neat scenery here and there.

If you are unfamiliar with Kacey Musgraves, she sings about traveling, heartbreak and smoking weed. Somewhat the female version of Willie Nelson. Anyway, I had bought her CD and found a track called “My House” which basically is about traveling the USA in a RV.

If you are unfamiliar with North America. It is a spin off of Frozen Planet or Planet Earth. I also think I’ve re-watched it 12 times. It goes from state to state with amazing camera-ship(I think I just made up that word) showing the wonders of America from National Parks to the animals in them.

Fast forward to Winter 2014/2015. Someone very important to me at the time re-entered my life. I remember the exact bar and even table we were sitting at when I told him I had this new found wonder to jump in the car, travel the United States, work odd jobs and become a Gypsy. I also remember his exact words. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and I can’t see you anymore if that’s what you want to do with your life” Unfortunately this person’s opinion meant a lot to me and if I can give ANY words of advice. Screw what people think and don’t let anyone hold you back (especially a dude.) But I ended up just dropping it.

Inevitably, we could never get along. He started dating someone else. I was heartbroken. It brings me to the title of this blog; by Miranda Lambert “Happiness ain’t prison but there’s freedom in a broken heart”

I took my first solo trip to Colorado and this is where I can confidently say, this is where my life changed. I can still look at this picture and not be sure if I’ve ever been happier.

Also, inevitably, Bozo and I (all names are changed) got back together soon after this trip. I sometimes look at this time period and the time period leading up to when I married this man and wonder if I regret it…but I really don’t but I’ll get into that later.

Now fast forward to May 2016. Bozo and I went through some tough times together, got married and got divorced in Britney Spears marriage time. I would love nothing more than to blame him completely for breaking my heart but it was my fault just the same. When I got married I got majorly depressed, like to the point where I actually feel bad for this guy for having to deal with me. I look back on it and can tell you I know exactly why it happened. I felt trapped. I didn’t feel trapped because I didn’t love him or I wasn’t head over heels. I felt trapped because I knew any aspirations to travel or move somewhere completely different were done and that is one scary feeling.

This is where I don’t regret a thing. If I didn’t marry him and have the feelings I felt. I would have never done what I’ve done thus far. We split up 2 years ago(almost to the day that I’m writing this) and I am 2 states away from completing my 50 states. My first trip was a month long, only one month later after we split. It was so hard. I cried 50% of it because I was still grieving but it still doesn’t mean I’m not looking back on it right this moment and smiling because it literally was the BEST time of my life.

Moral is: I started traveling not just because of a musician or a documentary on TV. I started traveling because I turned a really crappy feeling into something extraordinary, into something people get inspired about and even a little jealous of.  I hope that for every person out there, even if it’s not traveling, that they turn depression or anxiety as a tool to motivate them and find themselves.

That’s why I started traveling.